a fatherly advice // pioneering
dear wildflower,
a short introduction before I let my dad, YES MY DAD, take over. I’m doing something a bit crazy and I guess you could call “pioneering? I’m letting my dad write a monthly series here on AWH about being a father. I have no idea what this is gonna look like, I’m not sure he does either, but he seemed to take it very serious (thank you dad) and as an honor. This is also to further the message of this community and HOME for wildflowers. We not only need each other, but we also need spiritual fathers and mothers to be just THAT a parent. To give us advice from someone who has lived at least one life time longer than us. So that’s what I wanted to give to you.. a little piece of my dads fatherly-ness. Some of his advice and story.
he isn’t used to this kind of thing, he was after all born only 8 years after WW2 ended (WHAT?! ;) ) so be kind to him, welcome him with warmth and love and encouragements. that will be highly appreciated! (also from the daughter!)
and with that being said.. here you go! (also, english isn’t his first language, so can we just appreciate and give him a big round of applause for writing in another language?!)
Lines father speaking: Please believe me! It’s not on my mind to just give provocative statements. I was born 8 years after WW2 ended (Line often teases me with that). I am that kind of father who did not make everything right. Who do that? I am also a father with days and hours hosting feelings of powerlessness when it’s about my kids. I am serious! If you should doubt: It’s not always easy to be a father! We
Now! Let’s talk a little about being “fatherless” and some feministic point of view that fathers/men are approximately useless. Let’s also shortly look at our generation with all too many divorces.
No other time has been called “the fatherless generation.” Even not after the world wars where 100.000’s of men offered their life’s. Many, many women helped sacrificially to rebuild their land after WW2 (Germany and others) without husband or fiancé. Many kids grew up without a father. These boys - how did they learn to be a man or a father without having one? And the daughters - who told them how beautiful and intelligent they are? Of course I honor all the mothers who did their very best to compensate.
In our time then! What happens to the fathers? Do they not see or having feelings for their kids? Missing them? Want to play with them? Having fun with them? Making a safe space around them. Loving their mother and showing their kids the best values in life. I believe in fathers even you can say they are weak or “from an other planet”. Of course we all know abusive fathers who seriously needs help. I am not talking about them.
Then, for the last 5 decades, you have seen a part of the feministic movements bringing on the table, that men and fathers er more or less for trouble or even useless. It’s my opinion that our community er quiet affected of these statements. Of course we men/fathers are affected!
Families demolished due to divorce. Mothers and fathers struggling for their kids not to suffer too much. Mothers having their hardest time. Father “looking in a mirror”(regarding his ex-wife and kids). I dare you he is suffering too! I do not take up the question who we think earn to suffer the most, if anyone at all. However the kids are the most suffering!
Now I am sorry if I have tired you! I hope you want to continue a little more. The thing is that my youngest daughter, Line or “A Wildflowers Home” moved away from home 18 years old. She came back 2 years ago because of some very difficulty circumstances. She is now 24 years old and she is funny, wise, creative, lovely, intelligent, mature and much more.
Our journey together has been like in “The Little Prince”: The little Prince said to the Fox: “You and I need to travel some distance together, we need to get to know each other and discover who you are and who I am.” From “The Little Prince” of Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
What we find on our journey together is what I will write about now and then. I hope it will be “funny, wise, creative, lovely, intelligent, mature and much more” like my wildflower-daughter! This will surely surprise her, but she has made my life as a father much more colorful and funny. She has learned me much about being a father. It’s not boring!
