// dear breakthrough moment

I found this little gem, from December twenty sixteen, thought it was about time to post it (just made some minor edits)
maybe I'll redefine your "breakthrough" too? let me know in the comments what "breakthrough" means or looks like to you. 

Dear breakthrough moment..

you don't always look like what I expect. Sometimes I don't even recognise you before long after, when I finally recognise that's something has shifted. Something has changed since last time.

You're not so romantic, or oh-so-glamorous. You're not a big BAM either. You are more a repetition of something. Something that happens again and again and again..
and then finally one day.. that. Was the final drop. The breakthrough moment.
I sometimes get so caught up in those drops I don't recognise which one was the one to make the cup flow over. 

I'm sorry. I should've recognised you. I should've celebrated you. 

But sometimes, dear breakthrough, you are "just" a part of a normal life and it's not until years later that I finally realised, you happened. 

I'm not so shy anymore as I was when I was 13. I remember dreaming of the day when I could just, talk to people. I don't remember that day when it happened, but maybe that's the point. There wasn't a that day. 
It was a process.
A journey.
Something I fought for!
And little by little I became braver and braver.
Less and less shy.
Until I became who I am now. 

I still have my shy moments. I'm not totally un-shy yet.
So have I really hit my breakthrough yet then?
Or am I still on the journey? The forever un-finished journey.
What defines a real breakthrough anyway?
I did a little bit of research.. or, you know, googled it ;) and the dictionary puts it like this (thanks google!) 

"..a sudden, dramatic, and important discovery or development." I like the last part "..discovery of development."

So maybe there are no such thing as a "breakthrough", but maybe it's more of a state of mind. A realisation. A discovery. 

I didn't all of a sudden stop being shy, it was something I fought for. I wanted abreakthrough. And whenever I would look back, I made a "..discovery of development."

Maybe you've looked at breakthrough that way, but I didn't see it that way. I thought it meant a big BANG BOOM POW-moment. I thought a breakthrough was the overnight success, but maybe in real life it's often the many many nights ending up being a success. 
I think I'm learning that the big breakthrough lays in looking back when you feel stuck & appreciate how far you've come. And being able to recognise that as a breakthrough - or whatever you wanna call it. And celebrate that a little!

Because! (my favourite quote) "I'm proud of who I've become, cause I fought to become her."

And i'm just gonna leave it there.

// Line xx!