Dear Anxiety // a letter

a fighters battle with anxiety

july 2018

I struck anxiety in the face and taught myself to be fearless.

That self-taught skill was crucial when my walls were torn down,
 and the anxiety monster itself was loose.

I know better now how to handle her,
yet she still manages to shake me at times.

In social settings, I manage to hide her away,
but they don't know
how hard she beats me when we go home.

When I'm uncomfortable and *watched*,
she threatens to take over my body and paralyze my mind.

She's a constant voice in my mind,
 tearing me down at every chance she gets.
A real bully.
A real mean girl.

On my journey,
I've learned a lot of truths,
truths I can fight with
fight her with,
when she attacks,
attacks with her big ugly lies. 

I won't let her win.
I will fight her back.

I am a warrior.
I know because I've been at war with her since before I remember.

She doesn't play or fight fair,
but I won't fight dirty,
I fight with honour.

And I will keep fighting till she's defeated.
Just wait,
I know how this ends,
and it doesn't look pretty..
for her.